Tuesday, December 28, 2010
funeral
We held the funeral and tried to placate everyone as much as possible. The funeral home staff could not have been more accomodating. At their suggestion we didn't put the obituary in the paper.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Just Gotta Vent
My father was quite the "drama king" yesterday. That's my new nickname for him. Funny, when a relative visited a few weeks back, he was all smiles, playing cards, etc. When it's just DH and me it's a different story.
He looked good, was sitting up in the bed, feeding himself. First thing I did was asked how he was feeling. He loves communicating by pointing out the letters on the board. By accident I spilled water. He made a face and I reverted to being a compliant little girl again (although I am 47 - yikes!)and said "yeah, I'm a klutz" and I tried to laugh it off. It just brought back so many bad memories of him putting me down when I was a kid. I could never do anything right. Of course, I cleaned up the water right away.
Every time I tried to talk about my children he turned the conversation back to him. I asked if he wanted to play cards and tried to keep it light by talking about the Mets. He did start pointing to a picture of himself with his former teammates and we were able to talk about that for a while. I noticed there were more pictures of himself and "Bea" hanging up. I had asked Bea to stay away from us, and you know, if someone told me to "stay away", I would. But she will not listen.
I'm trying my best to be nice. He continues with the putdowns. I sit there smiling but I feel like I'm about to cry. It's so overwhelming that I have to excuse myself and leave the room.
.
I feel like such a sucker. People tell me that he's my father so I have to visit him and endure the insults. Some tell me that that's "how men are", or the elderly, but they don't realize that he's always been a nasty SOB.
He has lied to me about so many things.
He tears up when he sees a photo of my mother, which seems so phony. He was so mean to her. She put up with him, I don't understand why or how.
Mom died under mysterious circumstances. It looked like Dad came how from playing cards and found her slumped at the table. I was overwhelmed by shock and sadness. I had to make the funeral arrangements. Someone later told me they thought it was no accident. I wished they'd spoken up sooner. I thought about how volatile and cruel my father was. I had no proof as I wasn't there when Mom died. I asked the police to please reinvestigate the case. I was told that at this time this case is still not considered to be a homicide.
On one level, I can't blame people for not wanting to visit Dad. He is a difficult man. Although, in his narcissistic way, he can be charming when he wants to, he has alienated so many people. But, the less people that visit just puts more pressure on DH and me.
He looked good, was sitting up in the bed, feeding himself. First thing I did was asked how he was feeling. He loves communicating by pointing out the letters on the board. By accident I spilled water. He made a face and I reverted to being a compliant little girl again (although I am 47 - yikes!)and said "yeah, I'm a klutz" and I tried to laugh it off. It just brought back so many bad memories of him putting me down when I was a kid. I could never do anything right. Of course, I cleaned up the water right away.
Every time I tried to talk about my children he turned the conversation back to him. I asked if he wanted to play cards and tried to keep it light by talking about the Mets. He did start pointing to a picture of himself with his former teammates and we were able to talk about that for a while. I noticed there were more pictures of himself and "Bea" hanging up. I had asked Bea to stay away from us, and you know, if someone told me to "stay away", I would. But she will not listen.
I'm trying my best to be nice. He continues with the putdowns. I sit there smiling but I feel like I'm about to cry. It's so overwhelming that I have to excuse myself and leave the room.
.
I feel like such a sucker. People tell me that he's my father so I have to visit him and endure the insults. Some tell me that that's "how men are", or the elderly, but they don't realize that he's always been a nasty SOB.
He has lied to me about so many things.
He tears up when he sees a photo of my mother, which seems so phony. He was so mean to her. She put up with him, I don't understand why or how.
Mom died under mysterious circumstances. It looked like Dad came how from playing cards and found her slumped at the table. I was overwhelmed by shock and sadness. I had to make the funeral arrangements. Someone later told me they thought it was no accident. I wished they'd spoken up sooner. I thought about how volatile and cruel my father was. I had no proof as I wasn't there when Mom died. I asked the police to please reinvestigate the case. I was told that at this time this case is still not considered to be a homicide.
On one level, I can't blame people for not wanting to visit Dad. He is a difficult man. Although, in his narcissistic way, he can be charming when he wants to, he has alienated so many people. But, the less people that visit just puts more pressure on DH and me.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Sunday, January 3, 2010
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